Thursday, April 3, 2008

Help Wanted

Position for Hire

Middle-aged woman (yes, apparently, with this last birthday I hit MIDDLE AGE, at least according to the US Census) seeks bright youngster for instructional help in the usage of modern day electronic appliances - in particular, a Classic iPod.

Must be capable of useful coaching without the use of too many sarcastic remarks, such as:
  • "Hell-oooo! Welcome to the 21st century, Lady!"
  • "Duh."
  • "Whatever!"
  • "Are you freakin' kidding me?!"
  • "Madonna...who's Madonna? Oh wait, is she that OLD chick who sang that song...?!"
and...
  • "I can't believe you don't know how to do this! Didn't they have computers when you were younger, or did you ride a dinosaur to school?"

Educational requirements
: Some elementary school.

Salary: $10/hour.

(Which is exactly 10 times what I got paid when I worked as a kid, and more than I'd make right now if I ran out right now and got a job of my own.)

Hours: From the time school gets out until your mom needs you home for dinner.

Workplace limitations: "Texting" of one's friends during instructional periods will not be tolerated. (Particularly because I won't know what the heck you're talking about.)

If interested, please contact Natalie by telephone. No email contacts, please, because half the time I can't figure out how to turn on my computer...

3 comments:

The Crazy Cat Lady said...

Ha, ha, ha. Don't feel too bad. I am in the same boat, and I even work with technology. I replied to a coworkers text about 2 months ago, and it took me 4 attempts before I actually sent it. It is crazy to sit in class and see everyone with their iPods and texting nonstop. I must be getting old too!

Matthew Taylor said...

One of your best posts yet. Absolute comic genius!

Katie J. Layton said...

I feel the same way. Brian is the math, science one in the family and he also can figure out everything with new technology. So, he is my tutor for all the math, science, technology stuff. He'll definitely agree to $10 an hour! It is more than I pay him ($0). You crack me up. I love waking up to a big laugh - thank you!