Thursday, September 18, 2008

Why Justin is no longer allowed in the front seat...

This morning, while riding to school, I could see Justin, who was once again riding in the front seat, scrutinizing me out of the corner of my eye.

"Do you get tired of those spots on your face?"

I glanced over, "What now?"

"Do you get tired of those spots on you face? 'Cause I saw this thing you get on TV. You put it on your face, and those spots disappear." (He even dramatically flutters his hands for emphasis.)

He's referring, of course, to my bad skin. And the 'thing' he mentioned is most likely some type of zit-zapping device. Or maybe Proactive, which, sadly, I've tried.

The little brute.

Not only does this kid question my personal hygiene, he's now pointing out the fact that I really DO need to set up that appointment for the dermatologist that I've meant to do for a while now. Or at least invest in some decent concealer.

Truthfully, I didn't apply make up before picking up the kids this morning and most days I don't. It's around 7:30 am when I leave the house. And occasionally...

I'm still wearing pajamas.

Yes, I'm THAT woman.

And yes, it's really not a smart thing to do . People ask, what if you get pulled over? What if your car breaks down?

Well, what IF I get pulled over? Then the officer would see how desperate my situation is. Here's a harried, disgruntled, scary looking woman in her nightwear, no less, driving a bunch of overly enthusiastic kids to a school that's 12 miles away, because she's obviously CRAZY. Of course her foot is a little heavy on the gas! In fact, the officer would probably let me go, just so he wouldn't have to look at me any longer, the hideous, disheveled mess that I am.

And if the car breaks down? Well, at least I'm comfortable in my jammies sitting back waiting for the tow truck to show up.

No, really, you'd think I'd learn by now.

It's always on mornings that I look like death warmed over, with leftover mascara raccoon rings around my eyes and tangled hair thrown up in a ponytail, that Noah announces he has to 'go potty', which is really his way of giving a 30 second warning. And, like I mentioned, the school is 12 miles from our house, so it's not like I can tell the poor kid to hold it until we get home, because the entire round trip takes about 45 minutes. So, there have been mornings when, upon arrival at the school, after dumping the older kids at the curb, I've been forced to quickly park my car, clutch my 4 year old who's conveniently sporting mismatched, outgrown pajamas, under my arm, and run like the wind with him, trying hard not to apply pressure to his overextended bladder, to the nearest restroom to relieve himself.

It's hard to look any more pathetic during that experience. Unless you're also wearing pajamas yourself.

You'd think I'd try to look a little more presentable in the mornings, wouldn't you? But I don't.

And I realize it must be difficult for little Justin to even comprehend why I look this way. Have you SEEN his mother? She's gorgeous! The flawless skin, the long blond hair - I'm sure she's been called Barbie more than once in her lifetime. Even with 4 kids 6 and under, the youngest of which are a set of twins, no less, she manages to look amazing all the time. Stepping from his house into my car must feel like entering the Twilight Zone. Poor child.

But, that doesn't change the fact that he's still sitting in the back seat from now on...


Mark 'n Mindee West said...

My mom drives around in her pajamas too. One day she was driving us to school (in Chicago) and on her way home slid off the road into a snow bank. She had on slippers and PJ's and just smiled and enjoyed the adventure! I say go for it, you only live once.

Taylor Tree said...

sorry i was so hasty getting off the phone earlier. i wasn't dressed (not even an over the shoulder you know what on) and a knock at the door indicated that my primary meeting was about to start. i threw my tangled hair up in a messy pony and tried unsuccessfully to wipe the mascarea off my eyes and opened the door. what time was that again? 9:55. i will be that mother driving in her pjs FOR SURE.

Lance said...

Mwahahahahahahahahahahaha! I think I spit Diet Pepsi Max out my nose just now.

Tilleea said...

You crack me up. You need to be a journalist or something, because you have an awesome gift of writing. Thanks for the laughs. :)

Jera Farnsworth said...

I ask you who is that justin kid? He sounds like a pest- I would definately banish him to the backseat FOREVER! I am with Lance and Tilleea you have a gift for writing and you are HilAriOus. I think you need a column- however i think the names should be changed to protect the innocent and the not-so-much!!

Kayla said...

How funny! I always thought as a mom it was our duty to drive your kids to school in your pj's. I have a story or 2 where I was forced to get out of my car looking horrible for the sake of my children, ohhh what we do for our kids:) save yourself the trip to the dermatoligist, just go to your family doc and ask for benzaclin, it is a cream. I know oddles of people with every different type of skin that use it and they all swear by it. I love it myself:)

Melissa said...

I've been guilty of driving kids in my pj's! I always thought of it as taking a walk on the "wild side" lol!

Have you tried MonaVie for your face? It's wonderful!

CntryMomma said...

I'm with ya ... I'm NOT a morning person and I never have myself together that early in the morning 'cause I REFUSE to get up one second earlier than I already have to. I usually have a ball cap on when I take the girls to school. And get tons of "look" by the Wisteria Lane Wanna-Bes. Like I care. *smirk*