Once the dog had arrived and made his amicable intentions known, I paused my running and looked around to see if the owner (THAT'S YOU, DUMMY!) was anywhere in sight to retrieve this crossbreed.
When a responsible party was not to be found, Thelma and I proceeded along on our run, now ambitiously pursued by your foul beast.
Feeling somewhat responsible for unintentionally luring your dumb dog away from his familiar surroundings by my obviously friendly manner and the beautiful, buxom, blond bombshell of a dog that accompanied me, I hoped your dog would eventually grow tired and turn back home.
He did not.
In fact, he followed us.
For the next four miles.
And during those four miles, several people wrongfully assumed that the mangy mongrel shadowing me so closely was indeed mine and gave ME dirty looks for my utter irresponsibility as YOUR DOG dodged in front of their cars and defaced their yards.
Upon returning home, I had to shoo your degenerate mutt out of my garage to allow my own pet to enter my home. Because your dog appeared to have had quite a workout, I showed courtesy by offering him a bowl of cold water as he sat on my front porch panting for quite some time.
But I highly doubt this, since it's actually the second time this flea bag of yours has stalked us while out on one of our runs.
The purpose of this letter, besides pointing our your complete lack of responsibility in your stewardship of one of God's creatures, is to inform you that you owe me $20 for today's dog walking services.
Please remit payment in the form of cash, money order, or a QuikTrip gift card.
(of Natalie's Professional Pet Walking Services, LLC)
(P.S. Please feed your poor dog more. He's ridiculously skinny. And a bath would totally help.)