Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Curse you, Lay's Sour Cream & Onion potato chips...

Curse you.

Curse you and your delicious, addicting crispiness that delicately melts in my mouth and eventually clutches with a death grip to my thighs.

Curse you and your irresistible pick up line: "No one can eat just one." 

Because you're right...

and you know it.

Just like I know it.

The groaning scale in my bathroom knows it.

The discarded jeans I can no longer fit into know it.

You're so dangerous, I should have left you sitting there on the grocery store shelf when I first laid eyes on you and just walked away.

I knew better, because you didn't need me, and I definitely didn't need you.

And yet, you lured me in.  I didn't even put up a fight.

I'd just hoped we could have a normal relationship like other people do, but obviously, we can't...we can't, because I just can't control myself around you.

I wish I could say 'it's not you, it's me' and really mean it, but we both know that's not true.  It definitely is you.

You're such a fake.  So you're made out of potatoes - that doesn't make you a vegetable.  You can pretend all you want, but that sickening feeling I'm left with in the pit of my stomach when we've been together...it's obvious you're no good for me.  You're not good for anyone.

I think it's best if we just part ways forever.  Don't come looking for me because I don't want to see your festive green bag around here ever again.

You got that?

Good.

6 comments:

Todd said...

Todd and I really enjoyed this post. Very clever. Our addiction is the pepperidge farm chocolate cake. We buy one and it is gone that night.

JenniSue said...

Natalie, you rock! I laughed and laughed at this posting. I'm the same way with the regular Lays.

DisabilityDiva said...

You are THE BEST!!! Love your post!

Jeffrey said...

lol. that's a good one.

Tilleea said...

I so needed a laugh today! It's even funnier cause it's true.

JulieA said...

Oh, what a truth!!! Love your post and your humor. Girl, you are funny!!!! Thanks for the chuckle. And yes, I know it's truth...what you said. They're dangerous!